Sweating Together and Material Value

What a treat to talk to my good friend Elizabeth Mattocks last night. Elizabeth was my Americorps supervisor on Petij Jean Mountain, and she inspired me for being a strong woman and collaborative leader who encouraged her volunteers to work hard as a team and then to innovate individual projects to improve the community. Elizabeth hoed with all of us in the garden, badged her palms with pitch fork calluses, and ended many a day sitting in a circle with us in the break room. All were hot and sticky, all covered in dirt; a few arms were green from tomato vines. The rich dirt of Petij Jean Mountain rooted our Americorps community as we worked the earth together, our unique human energies commingling in the soil to produce sensuous wonders such as Valencia tomatoes and winter savory. My term on the mountain has ended as well as the Americorps program itself, which has shifted to a single horticultural internship in the summers. I miss the friends that I made there, especially Elizabeth. They were my first teachers in the garden and on the farmstead.

Elizabeth is now one of my closest friends, and now is a successful farm manager in North Carolina who “can not grow enough” for the growing demands of the local farmer’s markets. She is coming into town next week for the Southern SSAWG (Southern Sustainability Agricultural Working Group) Conference at which I will be volunteering. We made plans to hang out after the event. At the end of the conversation, she said, “You know, I were that scarf you gave me everywhere. It is my favorite. It was the first homemade gift that a friend ever gave to me.” I was shocked- the scarf had been a gift well over a year ago. It is interesting how working with the land and handcrafting items are similar in that they strengthen human relationships through the medium of particular things. Handmade scarves are softer to the stroke than those in stocked in a store and tomatoes shine more vibrantly orange or red on the vine than on a shelf and because they are entwined with a communal memories and gratitude.

Knitting, Giving, and Conway Cradle Care

One of my proudest achievements in the past year was a class project that helped raise awareness about teen pregnancies in my community. The organization that we selected was the Conway Cradle Care, which is a non-profit group that provides day care and parenting classes for teenage parents as well as encouraging them to enjoy community service. Many of these young girls and boys, with the help of Conway Cradle Care and others in the community, are pulling together their resources to create a meaningful future, one that is not only for themselves, but also for their child. The teenagers who participate in the Conway Cradle Care project are becoming parents amidst the bog of identity insecurities attributed to the adolescent experience. My involvement with Conway Cradle Care focused on the community and the teenage parents. A few friends and I organized an event in the courtyard of my university to raise awareness about teen pregnancy. To do this we made a large chain of our hand-knitted items, and pinned a little fact to each. We passed out pamphlets about the organization, and told how volunteering helped these students and their children continue their education. We showed how the success of the parents and the infants was good for the community. My favorite part of the project was more personal. My friends and I knitted hats for the mothers, children, and volunteers at the Conway Cradle Care so that they would have a special gift at their Christmas party. Many of the parents were struggling financially, so I hoped that a warm hat would fill a practical need while also giving them a unique thing that they would be proud to wear.
While reflecting Conway Cradle Care project, I am learning that, as a maker, I have to ultimately trust the recipients. Giving is a release. This is a positive action that helps me grow as a maker and adds to another person’s experience. However, this act of giving becomes a problem if the release is only done on a physical level, and I existentially cling to my work. My knitting is a gift, and I have to remember that the recipient is capable of using it in a way that best suits their needs. There is a difference between giving and then thoughtfully considering the act of giving, and giving with a naïve expectations. Giving knitted items should be a complete act of mind and body and thoughtfully considered. The imparting of a gift is freeing, because then both my hands and imagination have grown with a new skill of giving that can be applied to a new project.
I learned how to be a better giver when I looked at the pictures from the Conway Cradle Care project and saw my as-yet favorite hat on beautiful, little girl. The hat was upside down. The angle of the hat made it look lumpy and awkward, and not in the least like the fanciful, autumnal cap I had my sister model for me over Thanksgiving. The sweet child’s face was not happy, and I began to have doubts about my creation. I felt that it should have been pink or have a more traditional round shape, and maybe then it would be a better match. The picture did not match the expectations that I had for the experience of giving. Then I caught myself, and realized that it was only image. And this image came to represent the disappointment of unrealized expectations. These are emotions that do not promote a spirit of giving. Remaining existentially tied to a creation is not only arrogant, but in the end, taints the beauty of giving. The expectations of giving should not form strings that are tied to the maker’s ideals, but rather, they should lift the recipient’s own motivations and creative power. My knits should be given in excitement about another’s experience. That is why the gift was given in the first place, to uplift the spirit of another. One of my friends chuckled when he saw the picture, saying, “Don’t worry. They will figure it out.” I hope that they will find learning and joy because of my gift, even if it is in a small way.
A positive attitude of giving is productive and necessary. Giving hand knitted items is like motherhood. My knits are soft, colorful, and designed to both please aesthetically, nurture with a spirit of care, and fill a practical need. However, I must realize that my knits are born into a life of their own after they pass from my hands. Coupled with a concern for others must be flexible expectations, so that the experience of giving can be thoughtful and produce future inspiration rather than judgmental stagnation. This can be painful when the gift, the product of many hours of labor, is not used in the way that I expected. One of the giving skills that I learned from the two projects and will carry on to future service is that you have to balance time with making the gift carry something that makes it special. For example, I did a simple, beautiful pattern for one of the infant hats, but made it special by using a fiber of exquisite texture, the heathery softness of bamboo yarn. My last hat for the Conway Cradle Care Project had tassels that would dance with the light footed meanderings of a child. These details, while unimportant to others, helped me to find meaning, especially for projects where the recipient is unknown. However, the picture of the little girl showed me that I will need to do some charity giving where I can create a knit that is tailored to the recipient’s preferences. I also enjoy giving notes with my gifts, because writing accomplishes the following two things: 1.Notes personally communicate care and goodwill. 2. Writing allows me to find closure with the project and process my reflections internally.
In light of the Conway Cradle Care Project, I will be more sensitive to the positive and negative aspect of the giving experience. I was shocked to realize that giving well takes great courage; the investment is personal and emotional. Helping people have better lives is one the most amazing parts about living, because it is an experience that involves construction, creativity, learning, and caring. I want my gifts to help others experience those emotions. The success of giving to others should be thoughtfully examined and learned from, so that future giving will bloom into new and better paths. But first, I have to release the gift, move on, and let it take its part in the lives of others. I loved knitting for others so much that I have based a New Years resolution on the experience. My goal for 2011 is to knit several hats and scarves for charity, and to continue helping others through knitting, writing and volunteering..

Families Grow in Strange Ways

When I talked to my brother and sister on the phone today, I was struck at how mature they are becoming, and how this is evident in the way our conversations are rapidly developing into thoughtful discourse. Between catching up on the day-to-day and sharing stories or jokes, we are able to discuss the nuances of our shared background and interest as well as learn from the other’s special interests. Today Josh explained to me some of the basic machinations of gaming, doing so on both an intellectual, social, and personal level. He laid out a rational explanation for how the games work, and then described how they related to one’s health and could be used by different age groups. He revealed his sensitivity to the well-being of others when he excitedly explained how the new system was designed to be easy on the eyes of the elderly. Many people denounce gaming as a dangerous waste of time, but my conversation with Josh helped me to see how it too can be part of a balanced life-style. He said that his favorite place to game was in the car, but that he had not played his game for several days because he was captivated by The Hobbit. My younger brother possesses a remarkable capability for balance that I admire deeply. Appropriate balance and moderation are something that I am continuously experimenting with in my own life, especially learning the difference between making wise choices "most of the time" and setting unrealistic expectations. I like talking to Josh, because we are alike in that we both have a wide variety of interests. The pursuits of Josh include robotics and technology, and I sense that gaming has become a source of inspiration as well as entertainment for my brother. Hopefully, I will be able to learn more about the positive aspects of gaming from him in the coming year, and see how he applies his skills in his robotics research and science projects.

The highlight of my day was when Josh told me that he was learning to knit. Over the holidays, a family of clicking of needles made our home cheery as I sat down with Anna and Melissa for a garter-stitch tutorial. Discovering that the lesson had continued after I had returned to Conway makes me even more pleased with the creative and emotional benefits of knitting. Melissa has become skilled at casting on and casting off, and has used her knowledge to craft high-quality, efficient dish cloths. Anna is using her new skills to make a scarf for her American Girl. And now, Josh has picked up the skill. This connects him with his guy friend who is currently knitting a scarf. Josh looks forward to eventually knitting a pirate beard. This makes my recent tinkering with cables and picot edgings even more enjoyable. I do not know if knitting will be a passion that they will find rewarding in the long run, but I am glad that they can take pride in the work that they accomplished and that we enjoyed the experience of learning a new skill together.